I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
