i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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