Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
