Just fell off a train. Bad.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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