Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
