I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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