only if we run a train.
done.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I party with great urgency now.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
