The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
