you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
