a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
