He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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