it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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