And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
