whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
it was like his penis was on wheels.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
