pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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