I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
sex in a hospital.. check
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
