"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Randomize
