Porn is love you can see.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Randomize
