considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
