Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
