2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Pants are for mortals
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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