just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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