Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
