You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We need a shit load of segways right now
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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