I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
