Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
