Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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