Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
