i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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