This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
