I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
