Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
