I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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