Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
