my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
