Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
