What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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