Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
