i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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