Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
