I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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