Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
