lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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