I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
