Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
