their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
