Just fell off a train. Bad.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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