UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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