i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
