just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
