Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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