I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
