did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
