I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
