i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
