Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
