Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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