In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
