I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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