dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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