You were right. It hurts to walk today.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
