a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
