1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
