watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
