For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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