He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
